


Something Worth Living For

by hamilton_fanatic1776



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 11:59:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16304786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamilton_fanatic1776/pseuds/hamilton_fanatic1776
Summary: Alexander Hamilton lost nearly everything and now he's questioning whether he should take his own life. Thankfully he has John Laurens when he needs him most.





	Something Worth Living For

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in a really bad place right now (is that really a surprise though?) and had to write something dark with some happy things I guess.

Alexander Hamilton walked down to the lake close to his house. He sat on a large, flat rock and dipped his toes into the water. The sun had started rising, the wind rustling his hair. He closed his eyes and let himself break. Hot, angry tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks. He had lost everything. He was lucky he still had his broken down house, though he was very close to losing that. His wife had passed a week ago, CPS had taken Philip when they saw the condition of his house, his job was on the line, and his will to live was slowly fading. He pulled his knees to his chest and let out soft sobs, wanting this mental agony to be over. He always forced himself to smile at work when people were looking, he knew it wouldn’t be much longer until he snapped there. He remembered the night they took Philip, which hadn’t been more than a week ago. His son’s pleading cries, the officers threatening to jail Alexander for child neglect even though he was doing everything he could, the emptiness of the house...it only made him cry harder.

“I need my son...he’s all I had left…”

He sat on the rock for about another hour before getting ready for work. He knew there was a small chance of getting Philip back, he just had to work for it. He pushed away his mental plans for suicide and got dressed. Alexander walked over to the mirror and washed his face, putting foundation over the bruises on his face from Aaron Burr, and grabbed his laptop case before walking to work. John Laurens was waiting and ran to him, his wavy curls pulled back into a ponytail, eyes shining, and hugged Alex. Alexander couldn’t hold back the tears and broke down for the second time that morning, which he never did in front of anyone else. John pulled back and put his hands on the shorter man’s shoulders, frowning with concern. 

“Alexander, what’s wrong?”

Alex just shook his head and closed himself in his office. He hated that he was pushing away all the people that cared but he was scared to be vulnerable. John wasn’t one to give up easily though. He knocked before entering Alex’s office and sat on the opposite side of him.

“Alexander, I’m not giving up on you okay? Please tell me what’s wrong. You’ve never acted like this.”

The crying had started washing off the foundation as it was cheap and made him even more vulnerable.

“John, I can’t talk about it…”

Laurens stood up and tipped his chin up.

“Alexander, stop lying to me. I care about you, and hate seeing you like this. I want to help you, but I can’t do anything if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

Alex hid his face in his arms on his desk and sobbed.

“Eliza died last week, CPS took Philip a few days ago, and accused me of child neglect. I’m about to lose my house, I had to sell my car to pay rent this month, and I’m about to lose this job. John, I can’t do this anymore. After Eliza died, Philip was the only thing I had to live for...and now he’s gone…” He looked up, his eyes bloodshot from exhaustion and crying. “Burr attacked me last night after accusing me of getting him fired, and has threatened to do the same to me. I did nothing of the sort.”

John hugged him tightly. “I’m so sorry about your wife, Alex, but we’ll find a way to get Philip back. You’re more than welcome to stay with me. We can talk to Washington about what’s going on here. I assure you he’s not going to fire you, you’re an amazing, and hardworking man, Alexander Hamilton.”

Alex stood up after a few minutes and nodded. “Thank you, John.” They went to Washington’s office and explained everything. Washington listened to everything before speaking.

“I can assure you, you’re not going to lose your job. I have no reason to fire you, Alexander.”

Alex wiped his eyes. “Thank you, sir.”

Washington nodded. “Go home and figure out a court case to get your son back. You’re dismissed for the day. I’ll pay you for today, no need to worry about it.”

Alex grabbed his things and walked out of the building with John right behind him. They got in the car and John drove to his own house. “My father is an amazing lawyer and I’m sure he’d be happy to help with your case. And...I hope it isn’t too early to say this, but…”

He clamed up afraid to cause Alex anymore mental pain. Alex looked at him.

“But what?”

John parked his car in the driveway.

“I love you, Alexander. I have for years.”

Alex didn’t know what to say so he just stared out the dashboard window for several moments. John closed his eyes knowing he should have kept his mouth shut.

“I love you too, John. I’m just scared to lose you too…”

He grabbed Alex’s hand. 

“You’re not going to lose me for a long time.”

Alex knew this wasn’t going to just be a rebound relationship. He had deep feelings for John. And John had always been there for him no matter what. He had been Alex’s best man at his wedding with Eliza even though he wanted to be with Alex. He wanted Alex to be happy. And now he was happy, knowing he had something else to live for. Alexander leaned in and kissed him. John returned it for a moment before pulling away and getting out of the car. Alex followed suit and they both went inside. He knew a lot of work was to come to get Philip back, but soon they’d be a happy family again...he hoped.


End file.
